I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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