i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
