we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
