Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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