I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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