So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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