my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
