I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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