dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
