OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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