I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
