They should really pass out barf bags in church
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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