so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
