Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
