she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
