i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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