How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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