Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
