JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
