I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
