Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
