I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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