I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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