I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
