She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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