So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
