i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He? As in you personified your dick?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
