When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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