have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
