I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
