I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
