Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
they call him Oral-B. enough said
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
don't judge my taste in strippers
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
