woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
