we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
