Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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