I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
