I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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