Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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