it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
