I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
