There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
