boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
