U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
