How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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