Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
