My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
