Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
