I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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