Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
