I am puke
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
