You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
