The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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