1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
